Metropolis Musings

Mouse disorders

September 25, 2009
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So my mouse friend is still here.  I see him every now and then just working out on my roommate’s bike.  He just runs up and down the frame of the bike, it’s really quite cute, or so I thought.  After further consideration, I’m a bit concerned.  Do mice know the scientific benefits of exercise?  Despite the integral role they play in research, I don’t think those tiny little brains process that.  So I’m going with vanity.  This little mouse has body dysmorphia.  And what’s worse, he has never got into our food before, though there’s plenty of rice, cereal, oatmeal, good stuff for little mousies.  Well this morning as I was getting my cereal, I noticed he got into a bag of Dove chocolate and had taken a piece out.  Now, who am I to judge a chocolate lover, but I’m just a bit concerned that it’s all I’ve seen him eat.  And then he’s back running laps on the bike frame, a bit distressing.  If this continues I’ll have to stage an intervention.


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Single Babies

September 22, 2009
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Late night visitor

September 19, 2009
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I am back in Boston for the weekend.  I went to sleep last night and was so happy to have such silence from the outside world, I didn’t turn my fan on.  30 minutes later I was awoken by an odd noise.  I illuminated my phone to see if I spotted anything.  Sure enough, something flew by.  As my eyes had not yet adjusted, I figured it was a moth.  So I turned on my bedside table and saw this is no ordinary moth.  I hopped out of bed and scurried to turn the light on.  And there he was, in all his glory, a bat circling my room.  Fabulous.

Now growing up, I was obsessed with bats.  They were my favorite animals.  I even have a bat house that still hangs from a pine tree in my side yard.  But I built it so they would live in that house, not mine!

Ultimately, I shut the door, and sleep in a different bedroom.  He probably made it in through A/C that was not tightly sealed.  This morning, figuring the nocturnal creature was fast asleep, my mother and I tag teamed opening the window and taking out the A/C unit so the lil one can fly out this evening.  Let’s hope he finds safe passage out and keeps his rabies to himself!

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September 15, 2009
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Ok, so I couldn’t resist sharing this with the world.  I have some excellent news.  I know some of you have heard of “Miranda,” the unfortunate YouTube sensation.  Viral video takes on a new meaning here, as when you watch it, it literally makes you ill.  In this cyber world we live in, you can post anything on the web.  Look at me–and Wikipedia for crying out loud.  So here is a girl, Miranda, who believes she’s the best talent singing has seen since Aretha Franklin.  She is so sure of this, she actually posts videos giving singing lessons.  Learn from a master.

Well, they are far from masterful.  This unfortunate looking girl makes you really wonder, could this possibly be real?  She has posted 39 videos of herself either giving voice lessons or making music videos.  She talks about how her mother helps her edit them, and it forces the question, what mother in their right mind would enable this?

A mother could only support this if the child we actually mentally handicap.  I mean, come on.  So the inference is there.  Even how the girl moves suggests something is just not quite wired right.

Miranda says her inspirations are Britney Spears, Spice Girls and Josh Groban.  However she says in one clip that “I mostly just listens to me, because I know what I’m doing–I teach myself.”  Okay sweetie, keep telling yourself that.

We all have seen the American Idol auditions, do these people honestly think they can sing, or do they do it just to get a rise out of people?  William Hung made a name for himself, though he genuinely believed he was a star.  And incidentally got his 15 minutes of fame.  But what is this girl doing?

Well, exactly that.  She’s getting famous through her mediocrity.  If you could even justify it as that.  Her YouTube channel has been viewed 3/4 of a million times.  That’s insane.  But she’s making a name for herself.  And she’s doing it to prove a point, sometimes people get more famous for being talentless.   Just look at Heidi and Spencer of The Hills.

The bombshell here is that she is quite good!  I was rooting for this to be the case!  No one, I don’t care how mentally challenged, could continue to make such a mockery of themselves like she does.  It does leave it to be questioned how she has so much free time to be making these videos, but we won’t question her time management.

Miranda is the alter ego of one Colleen Ballinger.  And now after seeing her true talent, I can fully appreciate her mastery.  Bravo Miranda.  We are a people of diverse talents.  And one of life’s great challenges is identifying and flourishing in your own.  It’s painful to watch people strive for something they may not be meant to achieve.  Now I can sleep at night knowing that mankind is that much closer to reaching our potential.

Ladies and gentleman, I give you Colleen…

This clip is taken at a Broadway cast party where she performed as Miranda earlier on.

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Pale is in!

September 9, 2009
skin whitening

TV Commercial: A dark skin guy turns to his friend and says in Hindi, "I am unlucky because of my face." His light skin friend replies, "Not because of your face, because of the color of your face."

Why is the grass always greener on the other side?  In America, the ads tell us that attractive equates to looking like we just washed up from the sandy beaches of Belize.  Now when I saw this product, I became quite excited at the concept that finally the trend had reversed and soon my skin tone would be all the rage!  Alas, though I may be idolized in the Asia, I fear my dear America is still disenchanted with the hue of my complexion.  And it doesn’t take much to see that when advertised in other cultures this product has some pretty egregious racial implications.

But just as flannel shirts are making their triumphant return, I so hope that someday, pale skin in the US will too.  People didn’t always used to be this dark all year round!  Spray tans are relatively new inventions!  But for those of you who like to be early to the party, might I recommend SPF 70 or higher sunscreen.  It’s like spreading cream cheese all over your body, but without the lactose upset.  Don’t leave home without it.

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New Pet

September 9, 2009
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Last night I had my first apartment visitor.  And by that I don’t mean a friendly face knocking at my door.  Or at least I didn’t hear him knock.  He had already made his way into the kitchen when I spotted him, running down the frame of my roommate’s bike.  My very first apartment mouse!  He was a cutie.  And a decent size, certainly no rat, but bigger than the tiny mice you see running around the subways.  Clearly he knows how to stay well nourished.  I don’t mind him taking up residence in the apartment, as long as he doesn’t hog the TV and eat all my food…

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Adjusting to city life...